SAR-a-SAURUS;'s Journal [entries|friends|calendar] SAR-a-SAURUS; like a skull shaped balloon i beleive in us. info friends [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[22 Nov 2005|06:02pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | frou frou ] i don't know what it was exactly, but of all people sean was the one who really got reality to penetrate. 'you deserve better' i've been convincing myself that this thing with adam was going to go somewhere. things were going to change. it was going to become more than what it is. but the things that sean said hit me so hard that i ended the conversation with adam abruptly, not giving him a chance to respond. and then i cried. it was spinning over and over in my mind. i have gone through so much with this, and i still struggle, but for what? for this, whatever this is. i kept thinking it was the andrew situation all over again, and i made myself sick thinking about it. today i was feeling less sorry for myself and tried to think rationally. first of all, it takes 2 people in these things, not one. i got myself into it. i tried to justify everything. it isn't malicious attacks on adam's behalf, because he wouldn't do that. and maybe this 'relationship' is what i need right now. everything else is so unstable, and with this i know i can always go to adam to brighten my day. no, we're not attached at the hip like a real couple, but neither of us are seeing other people, so there's that sense of security. its secretive, no one knows what goes on, and no one can bother us about it. what happens between us, stays between us. but i still have to deal with my jealousy, like when steph always flirts with him. she's got her own boyfriend who she loves and who loves her, and she's got everything else that she wants, she doesn't need to flirt with adam. but of course, nothing is ever enough for her. so much for best friends. there's a reason why i haven't been wearing the 'everlasting friendship' braclet that she got engraved for me for my birthday, in case she hadn't noticed. she probably hasn't noticed, because the world revolves around her. it really isn't fair sometimes. but i'll just continue to hang in there. 1 SHAZAM!!

[31 Aug 2005|08:14pm] [ music | the doors ] I GOT MYSPACE add me darlings. SHAZAM!!

[01 Jun 2005|09:22pm] [ mood | bouncy ] i will be staying the night at the school tomorrow for the 30 hour famine. OH MY! no eating for 30 hours!!!! and then steph, sharon, maggie, sean, adam and i are going to steph's at 6:30am to shower (they're all going to cheat and eat..which i am not!). and then we have to last another school day shall be fun. i'm looking forward to it. and i think we have plans for friday night, so i'm bascially gone for 2 days. wish me luck! (and perhaps i will have pictures). SHAZAM!!

[07 May 2005|11:26pm] [ mood | awake ] for some reason i can't fall asleep. i was super tired before, but then i started thinking about things and i woke right up again. after having a million things cross my mind i thought i'd go on msn, see who's on. i was hoping adam would be but i didn't expect it because he went to sean's. and well, he isn't on. there's something about him, i can't put my finger on it. he can make me laugh non-stop but at the same time if i came to him with an issue he would stop and listen. he has this knack for noticing details about people. and he figures out people really well. he's already figured out alot about me and my facial expressions and my body language, and he can always tell when something is up. sometimes he'll ask, but if i don't tell him he respects that. for a while there i always thought he thought of me as a snoot because i'd get so nervous around him i wouldn't really say alot to him. but lately that's been changing. i've always felt that my empathy was one of my stronger characteristics but he'd never really seen it. but ever since steph & sean have been having issues, adam has finally seen more of that side of me. on friday when steph tried to talk to sean but failed, she, adam and sharon came down the hall to me. the first thing she did was nuzzle her face in my neck. as steph explained everything to me, i could feel adam watching my reaction closely. as she was explaining some people tried to interrupt but i only paid attention to her, and i think he noticed that too. i think he's just noticing me more in general. oh good, he's online. 3 SHAZAM!!

[02 May 2005|07:57pm] [ mood | smooth ] [ music | hendrix ] so i believe i want this super badly. i think i'll get it on the weekend if i get a chance. ordinary day. sean was whipping his sweater as a diversion so adam could kick me in the butt. sean whips hard. adam kicks hard. bahh, boys. and maggie wasn't at school! that always makes my day better. i'm dying my hair red/auburn within the next couple of weeks. i had talked about it for a while, then suddenly jessica dyes her hair the exact colour i was going to dye mine. i'll just have to wait until hers fades. i know this is lame, but it's a little frustrating. i wanted to do that colour badly. well, patience is a virtue. SHAZAM!!

[30 Apr 2005|12:30pm] [ mood | bored ] HAVE YOU EVER... 1. Kissed your cousin: when i was younger, probably 2. Ran away: no 3. Pictured your crush naked: what person hasn't pictured their crush naked? 4. Skipped school: yes 5. Broken someone's heart: yes i think so 6. Been in love: couldn't really tell you 7. Cried when someone died: yes 8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: yes. all the time, bascially 9. Broken a bone: nope 10. Done something embarrassing: i can't count how many times i have 11. Lied: yes 12. Cried in school: in elementary i did i think WHICH IS BETTER... 13. Coke or Pepsi: i don't like pop much, so it doesn't matter to me 14. Sprite or 7UP: doesn't matter 15. Girls or Guys: well i don't know 16. Flowers or Candy: flowers 17. Scruff or Clean shaved: clean shaved 18. Blondes or Brunettes: either 19. Bitchy or Slutty: ew, neither 20. Tall or Short: tall 21. Pants or Shorts: pants 22. Night or Day: night WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX... 23. What do you notice first: eyes & smile, also the presence they give off 24. Last Person You Slow Danced With: ash or adam, can't remember 25. Worst Question To Ask: something along the lines of 'what would you say if i asked you out...'. i always seem to get that question and i never know how to answer it THE LAST TIME YOU... 26. Showered: this morning 27. Stepped outside: last night 28. Had Sex: never ABOUT YOU... 29. Romantic memory: nothing romantic, just fond moments with the guy i like 30. Your Good Luck Charm: don't have one, i have the worst luck sometimes 31. Person You Hate Dislike Most: maggie 32. Best Thing That Has Happened: finding some new friends who aren't into drugs and aren't drinking every weekend, unlike the other crowd i used to hang out with 33. On your desk: clock, pictures, phone, wallet, cd player remote, bank statement, change dish, mp3 player 34. Picture on your desktop: i'm in the process of changing it FAVOURITE... 35. Color: seafoam green 36. Movie: this is spinal tap, detroit rock city 37. Artist or band: don't have one, changes too often 38. Cars: i'll let you know when i get my G1 39. Ice Cream: chocolate chip cookie dough 41. Breakfast Food: potato scons, its a scottish thing WHO... 42. Makes You Laugh The Most: all my friends make me laugh alot 43. Makes You Smile: sharon, steph, brianne, adam, sean 44. Can Make You Feel Better No Matter What: all my friends are good at that 45. Has A Crush On You: mogi, dj 46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: yes, adam <33333 47. Who Has It Easier?: umm? i dont know 48. Gives You A Funny Feeling When You See Them?: adam DO YOU EVER... 49. Sit By The Phone Waiting For A Phone Call All Night: i have a few times 50. Save AIM MSN Conversations: yes, but they save automatically anyway 51. Save E-mails: if they're important or funny, yes 52. Forward Secret E-mails: i have like..twice 53. Wish You Were Someone Else: sometimes, but i mostly like who i am 54. Wish You Were A Member Of The Opposite Sex: umm, no 55. Wear Perfume: yes, calgon body spray in 'moon petal musk' 56. Kiss: yes 57. Cuddle: yes, i love cuddling. especially with adam 58. Go Online For Longer Than Eight Hours At A Time: ya, but i'm usually away HAVE YOU EVER... 59. Fallen For Your Best Friend?: nope 60. Made Out With JUST A Friend?: nope, i'm not like that 61. Kissed Two People In The Same Day?: kissed yes, madeout with..no 62. Had Sex With Two Different People In The Same Day?: nope, bet that's tiring though 63. Been Rejected: yes 64. Been In Love?: hard to say, i don't think so 65. Been In Lust?: yes 66. Used Someone?: no 67. Been Used?: yes 68. Dumped Someone?: yes 69. Been Cheated On?: technically yes 70. Been Kissed?: yes 71. Done Something You Regret?: yes WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON... 72. You Touched?: my dogs, if they count 73. You Talked To?: my dad 74. You Hugged?: shauna 75. You Instant Messaged?: can't remember, sharon i think 76. You Kissed?: my mum :) 77. You Yelled At?: my dad most likely 78. You Thought About?: adam 79. Who Text Messaged You?: adam 80. Who Broke Your Heart?: andrew 81. Who Told You They Loved You?: can't remember, one of my friends...most likely steph or jenn MORE ABOUT YOU... 82. Color Your Hair? yes, streaked it a million times, full colour twice 83. Have Tattoos?: nope 84. Have Piercings?: ears & naval, considering getting another 85. Have A boyfriend/girlfriend?: no, but jenn says she considers me and adam a couple lol 86. Own A Webcam?: yes 87. Own A Thong?: i own several 88. Ever Get Off The Damn Computer?: well ya, i have school & a social life 89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: nope, i suck at languages... 90. Habla espanol?: nope 91. Quack?: on occasion HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU... 92. Stolen Anything?: no 93. Smoke?: no, but regrettably i had a temporary pot phase 94. Schizophrenic?: nope 95. Obsessive?: i can be i guess 96. Compulsive?: i don't think so 97. Obsessive compulsive?: nope 98. Panic?: sometimes 99. Anxiety?: i have an anxiety disorder 100. Depressed?: i have my moments SHAZAM!!

[29 Apr 2005|10:31pm] [ mood | geeky ] today, was a good day. mrs. forrester said we can't eat in the hallway all this week because we made a mess. but thats okay, we can eat in her room. and lock out all the idiots we don't like. sharon & i went to the football game at westmount. we saw brianne and all the westmount people and it was nice. stupid stoned crystal and her friend rachel came and sat right in front of us. god, they're so annoying. and incredibly dumb, you have no idea. so we couldn't really see half the game. but we won in the end, and that was exciting! we never win! lol. after that sharon & i went to briannes. we made spaghetti (by we, i mean the royal we) and salad for dinner. and had this awesome dessert thing we (again, the royal we) made on whim. it was yummy. it felt good to talk to sharon and brianne about the steph situation. sharon advised me to talk to adam about how steph broke her promise that she would cut back on the drugs and ciggarettes. i think i'm going to take that advise, sharon's good at this stuff. adam text me, so at the moment we're just texting eachother. what a good way to end my day. mm, i need some sleep. SHAZAM!!

[26 Apr 2005|06:06pm] [ mood | refreshed ] [ music | 102.1 Edge ] OH MY! i have a demented ring finger! i could also do with a tan, but that will be worked on during the summer. today was normal and uneventful. steph's paranoid about sean again. they haven't spent time together for a while due to him and his homework, but he never does any homework. just today he got a detention because he didn't do his science. but i'll get her through it, as i always do. friday is their 6 month anniversary, so hopefully he'll come up with something good. adam hardly awknowledged maggie today after that bitch attack she had on him because he called her a stoner. she was complaining today how he told her he just assumes she's stoned because she usually is. uh maggie, get over yourself. you usually are. if you don't like the view people have, stop doing it, or suck it up. and stfu. no one wants to here you complain. sharon & i are going to the football game at westmount on friday! some of the others might go, but sharon and i are going together as far as i know. i'll get to watch adam play and see him get that touchdown he says he'll get (pfft, i'll believe it when i see it) and visit brianne. i can kill 2 birds with 1 stone. 1 SHAZAM!!

[23 Apr 2005|06:17pm] HELP MY BUDDY MIKE AND HIS BAND GET ONTO WARPED TOUR THE BANDS IN PLACES 1-4 IN BATTLE OF THE BANDS LAND A SPOT AT WARPED AND THEY'RE CURRENTLY #5 JUST LISTEN TO THEIR SONG! I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT! SHAZAM!!

[22 Apr 2005|10:49pm] [ mood | sick ] so we did go to the football game. but it was pouring. and cold. we brought blankets but i was hardly covered. adam jammed his shoulder so he didn't play after that. poor sucker had to stand there in the freezing cold rain holding ice to his shoulder. and when we saw him he didn't look too good, just by the expression on his face. so we were drenched and my makeup was everywhere. and i always feel very ill and get nasty headaches when i've been cold and wet. plus we had to go all the way to westdale and steph, sharon, alyssa and i were the only macnab supporters other than nicole petis. after all that, we lost. miserably. as always. i had to walk back from stephs in the rain and cold and it took me about a half an hour. the pants i was wearing were just glued to my legs. and my whole upper eyelids were black from my makeup smearing, and my hair was soaking. by the time i got home i was ready to throw up and i was very pale. so because of this i decided not to go and hang out with people. and even now i still feel very ill. adam better appreciate this. *shakes fist* so extremely busy weekend. i have a hair appointment and i'm meeting my granna tomorrow. then we're looking for outdoor carpet or something. and then i'm seeing steph, sean, adam, maggie & whoever else turns up. then sunday sharon and i have science labs to do and i also have to get all the house work done. i think i might be able to squeeze in sleep at some point. the room feels like its spinning. i think i could do with some good rest. SHAZAM!!

[21 Apr 2005|06:37pm] i don't understand maggie. i really don't. today, when sean layed down using his bag as a pillow, she layed down on the other side. steph was absolutely fumming. and sean gave me one of those 'wtf?' looks. i'm also finding now that she looks at me all the time. she'll literally stare. she especially did today because when adam layed down he rested his elbow/arm on my leg. and she would just not look away. i think maggie secretly has a thing for sean & adam but she just won't say it. i just got back not too long ago from a nice walk down to the bruce trail with jenn & sharon. those walks are always nice. tomorrow there is supposed to be a football game, but im not sure if that's going to happen. SHAZAM!!

[20 Apr 2005|05:32pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | mae ] okay hmmm, lets see... steph thinks she left this note i wrote her in her math room. she checked to see if she could get in after school but the door was locked. the worst part is that this teacher likes to post notes he finds because he's a real jerk. and i wrote alot of things that i'd rather the whole school not know so now i am scared to death. k anyways so mogi asked me to the movies yesterday and i said no in a nice way, or at least tried to. adam is still trying to convince me to get my nipple peirced. i was like i'm surprised that you haven't bugged maggie about getting it done, and he was like 'no only you, i love your breasts'. haha what a perv. maggie has been wearing these god awful platform sandals the past couple of days. i laugh because she looks like a doof. seans been acting weird lately. i mean i know he's weird in the first place, but ya. he's been talking to me alot, more than usual. he doesn't even talk to maggie all that much anymore. oh and 420 is dumb. jenn tried to convince me to get stoned with people. umm, no. 2 SHAZAM!!

[18 Apr 2005|08:47pm] there's this song my dad plays whenever he picks up his guitar and i could never figure out what it was but it finally did. i'm sure it's little wing. i'm starting to really love jimi hendrix. i find myself breaking apart the songs as i listen. there's something about his songs... i think passionate is the word. SHAZAM!!

[16 Apr 2005|05:03pm] Seems like just yesterday You were a part of me I used to stand so tall I used to be so strong Your arms around me tight Everything, it felt so right Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong Now I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel blue eyes I told you everything Opened up and let you in You made me feel alright For once in my life Now all that's left of me Is what I pretend to be So together, but so broken up inside 'Cause I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hangin' on Swallow me then spit me out For hating you, I blame myself Seeing you it kills me now No, I don't cry on the outside Anymore... Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel blue eyes 1 SHAZAM!!

[02 Apr 2005|10:08pm] today has been a rather emtional day and i didn't even leave the house. my parents approched me today saying that they were doing their wills and that they needed my input on who my gaurdian(s) should be if something were to happen to them. it was a very scary thought, and it almost brought me to tears. the thought of not having my parents with me especially at this time in my life bothered me so much i felt like throwing up. we had wet snow which was a major downer. damn you winter, go away! although i had a good laugh when adam told me some kids said they would shovel for him if he paid them 9 bucks. adam and his brother split the cost, and when adam went to check on them the kids had only done the driveway and had left the sidewalk, which was the biggest job. i laughed so hard. and then tonight my parents and i had a nice dinner and we started to discuss what we were going to do with the money my granny left in her will. we were trying to cover practical things, as well as indulging in things. my parents thought we could use a vaction, but we can't all go together because of the dogs. so i am already going with my granna and mom on the cruise in august, and now it looks like i'll be going to california with my dad to visit my aunt in july. how spoiled am i. i was telling my mom i felt guilty since i would be going on two vactions this year, but she said that we should think of how my granny would have wanted us to spend the money, and she would have wanted us to see family. her saying that made me well up a bit, but i tried my best to hide it. between the possibility of california & the cruise & my running everday & wonderland trips & warped tour i should be hella tanned this summer! 3 SHAZAM!!

[02 Apr 2005|03:10pm] RIP Pope John Paul II SHAZAM!!

[01 Apr 2005|10:33pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | my chemical romance ] some people may call it ambitious, but i call it jealousy. i'm coming to the conclusion when i want something, i have to have it. sometimes its inanimate objects. sometimes it's a certain someone. and if it's a certain someone, i loose almost all trust with others. i only have a select few who i trust right now. the lust and desire almost changes me entirely. i better not snap. [documentation of my evening with brianne & sharon will be written tomorrow.] SHAZAM!!

[27 Mar 2005|01:51pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | the salads ] HAPPY EASTER!! i made a new journal, and im working on the layout so i shall post when i am done! i went to sean's game yesterday with steph, her cousin, maggie and adam. i sat beside adam and he made fun of me and i went to elbow him but i hit my funny bone on the seat really hard and now it really hurts. the game was a championship and it was soo close. seans team didn't score at all during the first 2 periods and the other team scored 2 goals. then in the last period seans team got 2 goals one right after the other. the game went in over time and the other team scored. damn sean, he let the other goalie play because it was his last year but they would have won if sean was in goal, he's much better. it was a good game though! today i got lots of chocolate. lots and lots of chocolate. like whoa. i have a chance to see the killers with steph & maggie. we have tomorrow off so sharon and i are to get together at some point and im hoping we get a chance to go to michael's so i can get some supplies to make some shirts. sharon is going to make my shirt at my house and she's going to show me how and give me a good tutorial. i must admit, letting my emotions out yesterday helped alot. i feel much better today. SHAZAM!!

[21 Mar 2005|05:34pm] [ mood | hyper ] today;;; //i broke my watch again //i smacked mogi on the head really really hard. i am also 99.9%100% sure that he likes me since he practically just admitted it //i 'formally' met adam's ex girlfriend and the first thing she told me was that i have extremely long eyelashes //i hate maggie even more now for things she said behind jenn's back. also;;; //a reminder to myself that low cut shirts are annoying at school //i love adam's smile oh ever so much. SHAZAM!!

[18 Mar 2005|09:15am] yesterday was a better day. i was volunteering at the march break camp again. and the kids were actually fairly good. one girl made me a card which was super cute. and they all kept telling me they didn't want me to go since it was my last day. my mom and i did a bit of shopping afterwards. i got a new bathing suit, pants to go over them, flip flops, a bag of jolly ranchers (my favourite) and a new bottle of my body spray. i went to stephs afterwards and just hung around with steph, maggie, sean, and adam. we watched the oc. adam and i fought over the couch. he sat on me. i sat on him. he tried to kill me with pillows. the usual. when i was sitting on adam, maggie looked over at me and smirked. like whatever. she just irritates me so so so so much. and then she stared at us. and i want to know why. SHOPPING WITH SHARONN TODAY YESSS. sharon is getting her wooden plugs and i want to get the armor for sleep cd. i always enjoy shopping with sharon. 2 SHAZAM!!

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